breaking thoughts

she is gone and it hurts.

the tears start and stop

all on their own.

i am sad

because she is

no longer here,

but happy

because she is

no longer in pain.

my heart breaks

thinking

about the times we will never have;

thinking

about the moments we will never share;

thinking

about the places we will never go.

my heart breaks

thinking

about everything before this moment.

she has not lost me,

but i will always be looking

for her.

breathe

im drowning in a life

that often doesn't

feel like it

belongs to me

it is mine but

i share it with so many

as my lungs fill

i try to breathe through

the gulps of water

i feel the weight of it

lift away

i want to stay

here and let the water

take over me

butterfly

what is a butterfly?

at best

he's but a caterpillar dressed.

~Benajmin Franklin

heavy days

these days hurt

they are heavy

and my heart hangs low

it hurts too much

i can feel walls closing

around me

deep breathes become

harder to take

each moment

lasts for hours

regrets pass through

my mind

not knowing tomorrow

makes today harder

postpone...

I postpone death

by living,

by suffering,

by error,

by risking,

by giving,

by loving.

~ Anais Nin

move

i'm stuck in this place
this place that doesn't move
yet all around me
things fly by
i see the way it should be
it makes my head turn
toward the way
things are moving
although i'm standing still
i want to run to the end
but i have no where to go
i just wish i could move

silence

no more words
left to say. i
have to remain
silent within the
bud. the echoes scream
so loudly my
heart breaks and
beats with every
breath held. speak
for my tongues are
not allowed to move.
they are forced
to be still and remain silent.

anais

I have the right to love many people at once and to change my prince often. ~ Anais Nin

breathing, love, and ink

i try to breathe through the bleeding ink,

that soaks the pages.

i wait

for days to reveal

the truths, that hide

from my eyes.

i wait

for my love to find me.

i hear his heart

beating and calling my name.

i wait

for the lost feelings

to steal me away

again.

wanting

i want to say it... i want to be free... i want to let all those things go... i want to just be with you... i want you to be with me... i want you to want me, more and more... i want nothing in between us... i want to be so close that there is no room for air... i want to smell you one more time... i want to feel the thrusts i have never felt.... i want more than your hands... i want more than your lips... i want to taste your chapstick all over me... i want sweaty passion to drip off of us... i want you to squeeze me with excitement... i want you to whisper on my lips between my thighs... i want you... i want you...